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mindful​(​l)

from Posers by Big Adult

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about

This is a song about major depressive disorder and using humor as a coping mechanism.

lyrics

Been running since
before I can remember
with a distinct sense
that nihilism was nipping at my heels.
I got it in my head
at some point early last year
far enough ahead
to let myself forget how it feels
to drive down a street and count every tree wondering which ones would be thick enough to kill me if I swerve my car slightly to the right.
I've been being mindful of keeping my mind full
no room for wandering thoughts
because the wandering ones are the ones that wonder "why?"
and I've been focusing majorly
on keeping this progression in a major key
because scary things are much less scary when you keep them light.
I tried not to whine
focused on being grateful
took the bread and the wine
and tried to live a life of self reflection.
Follow the road
my fathers followed before me
realized that i rode
on a giant wave of self deception.
My mood turned blue
with the changing of the seasons
autumn winds blew
and I made myself make myself a list of reasons
to go out in the world
I mean life is worth living for the people you love, right?
My head is a whirl
of faith and doubt in all of the above.
So I drive down a street and I wonder if we
need reasons not to crash into trees
and what good are reasons if I can't make myself believe?
I've been being mindful of keeping my mind full
no room for wandering thoughts
because the wandering ones are the ones that wonder "why?"
and I've been focusing majorly
on keeping this progression in a major key
because scary things are much less scary when you keep them light...
Right?

credits

from Posers, released April 20, 2019
Written and performed by Big Adult.
Danny sang, played bass and vocoder
Brent Played synthesizers and hand percussion
Mike played drum set
Recorded by Danny in his attic
mixed and mastered by James Garcia at Over the Counter Culture Records.

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about

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Big Adult Columbus, Ohio

Danny Lemmon, Mike Dawl, and Brent Lawson play bass, drums, and synthesizers together every week. They derive much pleasure from these interactions.

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