1. |
Talk More
02:01
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|
I'm trying to talk more.
I'm trying to think less.
I'm trying to find my way
out of this mess.
I know that it's fine to
take some time if
time is what you need
but there's a fine line between
self care and self destruction.
I know it's fucked up
to get fucked up
just so that I can chalk it up
to being too fucked up
to deal with shit like this
when I am like this.
Smelling my bullshit
don't make it
any easier to shovel.
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2. |
Sexy Pastry Chef
02:52
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|
I had a dream about you and me
we were ourselves but different.
You were braver, more confident,
I was raised with less religion.
We were still band-mates
we were still friends,
but making out started
making more sense.
I woke up and I missed you.
I wish I would've kissed you
at the Halloween party
at your apartment
you were a sexy pastry chef.
I wanted to tell you
I wanted to be the
apron against your chest.
but instead I drank more beer
to cope with the shame.
watched you from across the room
and put myself away.
I put myself away.
I look at your life on the internet.
Wonder how different mine could've been.
I will feel happy that you're happy,
and I'll still feel jealous of your boyfriend.
Social media is weird.
I'll regret all the years
I spent wishing I wasn't queer.
I want to be the kind of person
that goes to a
Halloween party
at an apartment
meets a sexy pastry chef,
walks up to him and
tells him he wants to be
the apron against his chest.
and they'll drink more beer
but not because of the shame
kiss him on the mouth
make him glad he came.
I'll make glad he came.
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3. |
Lunch Box
02:49
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|
When I discovered punk
it was happening in stadiums.
$40 tickets, and only people
that could pay for them.
Pretty boys with spiky hair
were marketed as hellions.
Sold to suburban kids,
a safe form of rebellion.
So I paid sales tax
on my anarchy patch
and never bothered to
trace the profits back
to banana republicans
I dressed that way to fuck with them
but they got the last laugh.
Chuck Taylors on our feet
and glue in our hair.
Hot Topic uniforms were
worn like signal flairs.
A corporation made the banner
that the weird kids gathered 'round
then the weird kids taught each other
how to burn that banner down.
Twice a week the library,
a safe place to play chess.
Mr. Eckhardt graded papers while
the dialogue digressed.
We passed around Marx and
talked political ideology.
Questioned almost everything
including my theology.
See back then I was Catholic
“love the sinner hate the sin”
it was my peers not my priest
that made me a better man.
It was my peers, not my priest,
that made me a better man.
There's a lunch box full of
patches and pins and all the
things I used to believe
screaming we weren't stupid just naive .
And the pop punk bands and protest songs
that filled those burnt CD's
they came with conversations
they came with human beings.
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4. |
Song About Divorce
02:34
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|
I've always processed things
with meter and rhyme schemes.
If that doesn't work this time
what does that mean?
'cuz I've been stuck
singing songs I wrote
more than ten years ago
the first time my heart broke
because I am to raw
to write new ones.
Been keeping my heart on the couch
while my brain talks about
my feelings from three levels out
as if I am my own psychoanalyst
even though something
about that feels amiss, I
don't know if I could handle this
in any other way.
Maybe that's ok.
I mean the world doesn't
need another song about divorce.
but maybe I do.
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5. |
Teeth vs Tongue
02:28
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|
This boy is falling in and out
of sleep on the couch.
I'm jealous of the girl that
I watched him kissing on the mouth.
I will scream, I will say,
I will whisper
"I wish we weren't such good friends"
My teeth are fighting with my tongue.
My teeth are fighting with my tongue.
Smiling at 12, biting at 1.
This girl could not give two shits
less about me.
Contemplating the odds:
"what are the chances that
this kid's got weed?"
I will wait a bit before
I admit that I don't.
I'll tell her I think she is pretty.
I don't.
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6. |
New Year
03:42
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|
Turned the age my parents
were when they made me.
Paying off my student loans at a
job where I don't need my degree.
But happy new year, cuz I am still here,
and given the run that I've been having
it's something I am proud of.
I rang in 2016 on a stranger's
front porch holding a pizza,
feeling like a disappointment.
There's power in saying this out loud.
There's power in sticking around.
Happy new year I'm still here
given the fact that it's a second verse
that's something that I'm proud of.
I rang in 2017 on the phone with the
suicide prevention hotline,
feeling like a disappointment.
I spent a year just trying to be fine
and to understand that it's fine
if I don't understand it,
and I don't understand it.
I loved her she loved me
but it;s not that easy.
(Chorus)
I got some people that I
give a shit about and
I got some people that
give a shit about me.
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Big Adult Columbus, Ohio
Danny Lemmon, Mike Dawl, and Brent Lawson play bass, drums, and synthesizers together every week. They derive much pleasure from these interactions.
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