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Posers

by Big Adult

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1.
I remember, I remember buying my first bass guitar. I worked half a summer minimum wage at an amusement park. And that object made of wood and metal, has made my life so much better. It could get bent busted up or broken it could get scratched or scuffed or stolen and I wouldn't be bothered all that much. It could get painted turned into art, it could get scrapped and used for parts but honest it breaks my heart to let it gather dust. So if you want to learn to play the bass get in touch. When I turned 16 my friend Benji sold me his bass for 75 bucks which my dad paid half of for my birthday. it played smoother sounded better helped me to write some songs that my first bass never could've it might be stupid to feel nostalgic for an inanimate object that I don't even play that much. but if you want to learn to play the bass... because this bass has become a symbol for something bigger than myself and I don't think it's so stupid to want to pass that on to somebody else. these are tools for building bridges not just the kind that go in songs.
2.
echoes 02:50
She said I'll see you around, I said I'll see you around. Got in my car and heard John Diliberto say "you've been listening to echoes" it took a voice on the radio to tell me. I don't miss you when I don't see you, but I pull that off with mental gymnastics. I don't think about you in the present tense. I know that's shitty but it's useful. I can't feel everything all of the time. I've been listening to echoes I've been listening to echoes it took John Diliberto to tell me You've been living I've been listening to the you that's bouncing off of canyon walls. do you think of me as an echo? do you think of me at all? I know it's shitty wish it was different wish i was different I'll see you around.
3.
This apology is coming way too late. Took me 6 months just to see my own mistake. Then a few more just to work up the nerve to finally say these things to you. I'm sorry for making you think you did something wrong. I'm sorry for running into someone else's arms. I'm sorry for losing my shit, pushing you away. I'm sorry for expecting you to know just what to say, When I'm losing my mind when I'm losing my head when I'm losing my shit when I'm losing it. I had to learn how to calm myself down, and hammer thoughts into patterns that were less round. I had to re-learn how to breath, and accept the fact that you might not forgive me. Every single time I lost my mind I'd just swear up and down that I was fine it got so easy to do that I never thought it'd be so hard to lie to you. to lie to you. I'm sorry for making you think you did something wrong. I'm sorry for expecting forgiveness just for writing this song I'm sorry for losing my shit, pushing you away I'm sorry for expecting you to have anything to say to me.
4.
strong 03:10
On that night you broke your hand I drove you to the hospital so you wouldn't have to tell your aunt and your uncle what was wrong. And I'm pretty sure the doctors thought I hit you and even though that wasn't true I still felt like an asshole. Like an asshole. I thought that you were so strong, to go through all of that at 17. But strength isn't what it take to put your hand through a wall, strength is what it takes to stay calm. And just cuz we were young doesn't mean everyone else was wrong.Strength is what it takes to satay calm. When you were 19, you told me how you felt and we decided to break up and then I got drunk as hell. Drunk as hell. I thought that I was so strong. I didn't cry not even once. But strength isn't what it takes to do three shots without a chaser, strength is what it takes to be honest. And just cuz I didn't cry doesn't mean what i did was right. I woke up hung over and still sad.
5.
mindful(l) 03:33
Been running since before I can remember with a distinct sense that nihilism was nipping at my heels. I got it in my head at some point early last year far enough ahead to let myself forget how it feels to drive down a street and count every tree wondering which ones would be thick enough to kill me if I swerve my car slightly to the right. I've been being mindful of keeping my mind full no room for wandering thoughts because the wandering ones are the ones that wonder "why?" and I've been focusing majorly on keeping this progression in a major key because scary things are much less scary when you keep them light. I tried not to whine focused on being grateful took the bread and the wine and tried to live a life of self reflection. Follow the road my fathers followed before me realized that i rode on a giant wave of self deception. My mood turned blue with the changing of the seasons autumn winds blew and I made myself make myself a list of reasons to go out in the world I mean life is worth living for the people you love, right? My head is a whirl of faith and doubt in all of the above. So I drive down a street and I wonder if we need reasons not to crash into trees and what good are reasons if I can't make myself believe? I've been being mindful of keeping my mind full no room for wandering thoughts because the wandering ones are the ones that wonder "why?" and I've been focusing majorly on keeping this progression in a major key because scary things are much less scary when you keep them light... Right?
6.
My brain is in my head your brain is in your head and in between there's bone and muscle and skin, air, skin, muscle, and bone again. So I resort to science fiction, metaphors, and clumsy words strewn on top of power chords because these are the tools I've come to know. These are the tools I've come to know. I wish communication were clearer so i could show you just what I mean. Put a flashlight in one ear and project my brain onto a screen. You would see a sea foam green off brand stratocaster that I bought on ebay. In a feeble attempt to seem like an individual I took myself apart ad spray painted my chest hot pink. My strings go out of tune with changes in the weather, but I've got some friends and I'm grateful for them cuz they'll take the time to set me right again. I wish I had technology so I could show you just what I mean neurological USB to connect and replicate the state of my machine. You would be a cymbal stand bought off a guy on craigslist with parts misplaced in a practice space and replaced with a broken drum stick You can hold a cymbal just fine, You can hold a symbol just fine You can hold a cymbal just fine when I need some support and find myself short on dimes. So we're doing our best just to stay in tune spending most of our time in dark humid rooms.

credits

released April 20, 2019

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Big Adult Columbus, Ohio

Danny Lemmon, Mike Dawl, and Brent Lawson play bass, drums, and synthesizers together every week. They derive much pleasure from these interactions.

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